I · R · Insane

Had a crazy weekend. I skipped out on a wedding I was supposed to go to. I am trying to cut back on the Sailor Moon. Its working for the most part. I still have relapses, and I am not going to stop posting on the rpg board. I plan to start job hunting this week. That should be fun. I really need to start working on droping a few pounds before Ross's wedding. That's one of my many cousins BTW. He is getting married in May. Should be fun, third cousin married in the last year. And the last of my older cousins, if we went by age I'd be next. Oh my . NOT happening of course. My money is on Alex getting married before I do. He's 6. Anyway.

Gaming was fun as always. Ryan's games are always off the wall. Course we were a few people short. Moze can't play for awhile (fuck you walmart), JP had to work unexpectedly (fuck you Donatos too) and Andy came hella late. So it was just me and Chad and James and Ryan. But that's ok since we are all bad asses in a very low level dungeon. Till we got to the end. We killed a minor god. And got three levels. Hehe. We are now epic. I love my banjo playing bard. Ok banjo playing bard/marshall/virtuoso. I make other characters better is what I do.

Sunday was cool. I was busy as hell at work. Then I went home, but got bored quickly so I went to James and Sid's. Brannon was over and she and Sid were working on costumes. The boys were WOWing as usual. I watched Trekkies 1 and 2 with sid and bran. OMFG. There are some scary people on there.

When I got home I ended up playing guitar hero a bit and chatting with Kyrsta as per normal we also posted on various rpg boards. That girl has got me addicted to those things. I swear.

I really don't. I have had something bothering me for weeks now. Since just before Christmas. Its one of a few things that is never far from my daily thoughts. The only thing that out ranks this thing is my mom's death. I think about that all the time. I have touched on this other topic here a few times. It was an entry that I made here that started it. I since deleted that entry and wish I had never made it. The sad thing about it to me is that I really still can't figure out what happened and it is going on two months now since Kanzaki stopped returning my e-mail. I dunno why I am bothered by this so much honestly. I think it is mostly because I feel I have been wronged in some fashion.

Its driving me up the fucking wall too. I shall explain cause I feel like it and its late and I can't sleep again. Not because of it, but it is something that seems to crop up when I suffer from this insomnia.

This is what happened if anyone really cares to hear it.

Some back round info first. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love fanfiction. I have read it for years, since I was 16 infact. Last year I became uber obsessed with the live action version of Sailor Moon, called PGSM(Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon). I adore that show and rewatch certain eps quite often. My favorite character is Aino Minako/Sailor Venus played by Komatsu Ayaka. My second favorite would be Hino Rei/Sailor Mars played by Kitagawa Keiko. I am also a fan of them as a couple(the characters not the actresses to be clear). Yes, they are both girls, deal with it. This is called Shojo-ai for those that don't know. Anyway, as a fan of the show and fanfiction I went searching for Rei+Minako fanfiction. In my searching I found the fic Welcome Back, by Kanzaki. Great story, especially for R+M fans. Her current fic is called Stars Fall at Dawn. I began reading it in November I believe, on a shojo-ai forum.

My enjoyment of that fic is great. I have reread it so many times and it isn't even done yet. Its easily in my top 5 favorite fics of all time. Its is so very good. I will admit I was perhaps to attached to the fic itself for a time but now I can hardly stand to look at the new chapters when she posts them. Or the other short stories that she posts in between chapters.

I don't even remember how it happened but I also began corresponding with Kanzaki back in November. We discussed her fic and other things. The show itself of course and other fanfics too. She was real nice and sent me links to stuff so I could get some music vids for the show and sent me music too. I considered her a friend, since no one I know likes PGSM as much as I do. I enjoyed talking with her.

Well, about a week before Christmas I made a entry here (she read my LJ at the time but could not post here because of where she lives). My entry was about how much I liked the fic and I was being rather crazy and impatient for the next chapter. I talked about how I envied her editors since they got to read the fic before us readers. As I have said I was a little to enthusiastic at the time over the fic. Well the entry prompted an email from Kanzaki about how I needed to be patient for the chapter and what have you. Ok so big deal right? I was being over eager for the next chapter. I admitted that. I was in a bad mood at the time when I received it though, but my intial response was not bad if my memory serves. We exchanged a few more emails the she sent me one saying she was glad we got that cleared up. Again no big deal right? Well my bad mood had gotten worse and I responded to that by telling her I felt that her email had been unnecessary in the first place adn I think that I said a few other things I really didn't mean I simply can't remember what I sent. I totally should not have sent it. I really didn't care about the email. Its mostly that I have been on such crazy emotional highs and lows since Mom died. That was one of those days.

Since December 18 I have not heard from her. I have sent her more messages appologizing to her and explaining that I was just in a bad mood at the time. I have asked why she won't speak to me anymore. I have never in mylife had some one just stop talking to me before. Its an odd experience.

Thoughts about this have plagued me since then. I have sent her pm's on the forum and a few other emails since. No response. A few more chapters and a couple short stories have been posted on the forum since then. I always leave reviews for her new stuff. She always responds to the reviews left on the forums. Her response to mine was no different then before. This caused me to become confused. My next review for chapter 17 I think, I talked about what had happened in our emails indirectly in a rant about the characters at the end of the chapter. She had to know what I was talking about when I left the review. She responded to that review normally, except at the end when she said "Thank you for the interesting comments". I felt she was talking about my rant at the end of my review, perhaps I was wrong, but that pissed me the fuck off. I will be honest and say I have wanted to go off on an insane rant with many many many swear words since this happened both at her and at myself.

Instead I do this and bitch about to some of my friends. I don't like being ignored. I would just like it if she would just send me a message saying that she no longer wishes to talk with me. That is all I really need, but I won't get it. I will get over it eventually of course. I very nearly have at this point I think I needed to get this out.

But wait there is more.

Today, I was in another of those moods again. I snapped at people I had no right to snap at. The mood continues on. I have found that I only send her emails when I am in this mood since about two weeks after it happened. I just need to stop, but part of me wishes I could mend things still I suppose. I hate the idea of someone being mad at me. I fucked up. I admitted it and appoligized for it. Now I feel I have been wronged because of it too. I dunno. Anyway.

When I got home tonight after gaming I reread the most recent short story again and began to leave a review. Again I did something that I probably shouldn't have. I actually mentioned our little problem on the forum, something I swore not to do, but its the only way I could get her attention. If she ignores that then I will offically give up. I hate drama. I really hate it and I hated mentioning it on the shojo-ai forum. Shoot me now. I atleast didn't really mention specifics, but I did ask as to why she stopped emailing me. I also said I was going to stop reviewing. I almost dread the new chapters but I read them anyway.

One thing I have refrained from mentioning is her blog. That damn blog. She updates that all the damn time. Its locked now though. No one can comment on it since about the time of the "incident". I still check it everyday for updates on her writing progress and cause most of her other entries are amusing and her thoughts on the characters and the show itself are good. I should stop reading it thought.

Finally I have nothing more to say on the matter. Its hopefully done now and I can get over it. I wish that I could understand why this has bothered me for two months almost. I don't even know her, cept through the internet. How sad that I am this effected by it. I dunno.

Just ignore me. This makes no sense does it?

I didn't do anything I wanted to do with my day off 'cept not leave the house. Well I did play guitar hero, but that is besides the point. I wanted to watch slayers and didn't(yet). I instead played on the internet and cleaned. WTF?!?! I like dusted and cleaned my room and did the dishes and laundry. Someone help me!!

I finally added Becca to my flist. Sorry I took so damn long girl. I found that piece of paper with your username while I was cleaning. And the sad thing is boys and girls is that she lives five minutes away. If that. So sad and lazy are I.

Am working on my cohort for the current D&D game we got going. He is gonna be cool. I have put more thought into him then my actual character. El C'had is helping of course.

I have also started working on my own fanfiction again. Thank god. Its a Slayers fic, hence the reason I want to rewatch it, hehe.

I did piss Kyle(my bro) off today so not everything was a bust. He is going back to school in the spring. Ahh spring. In the spring I get my room finished. I will get doors on my room. WOOT. I miss having doors. Its harded too when you live in a house with all males cept for you and share the basement with your brother.

Watched the movie Waiting last night at James and Sids. It was freakin funny. The Game is scary though. Funny and gross at that sametime. Also monday I hung out with Andy and Daxy, we watched anime and went shopping. The latest volume of Kaikan Phrase was out and I got that thank God.

I am reading Interview with a Vampire. Well I plan to read all of the Anne Rice books while I am at it.

I also have watched the Corpse Bride this week. It was pretty cool.

And that is pretty much it at the moment. I was really in the mood to type at the moment.

Chuck Norris fucking rocks. The end.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

I like anime. There you are all enlightened now.



I also like Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon or PGSM for short. Its the live action version of the anime and manga. It follows the manga pretty well only it does have some very interesting twists in it, my favorite being Darkury the evil version of Mercury. She fucking rocks!!! My favorite character in PGSM would be Aino Minako/Sailor Venus. She is hot and I love her. Yes her deal with it. She and Rei are my favorite couple from that show. They are Mars and Venus hehe. I also really love Nephrite, he rocks as well and also is hot. He and Ami/Sailor Mercury are my second favorite couple. My third would be Makoto/Jupiter and Motoki, the turtle man is just so adorable how can you not like him. I play on a online PGSM forum as him. Its great fun. With my canadian friend, Krysta.



Kunzite is a rat bastard.



In an unrelated note Stacy is coming over to watch anime tomorrow that Hawtea.

Ohayocon be great Yarr!!! I had so much fun at the con!!! Lets see. It started thursday night for me. I stayed up all night getting to know other people in my group. I knew like 3 of them from last year. We played Beer Money, it was awesome. We left early on friday, I rode up with Andy. I played Guitar hero. I went to the Henatai panel (misspelled on purpose, that guy was funny hehe henatai). I am so mature. nts nts nts

I got to see lots of my friends too!! Pete, the whitest black man alive. He rocks. I saw Joanna,I love you Jo!! You also rock. I saw Zach and we teased Stacy. I saw stacy, she is my girl yo. She helped me pick out a gift for Ryo for hidden hobbit, so you should have a gift headed your way there Ryo, freakin canadians. I hope you like them! I ran into Daniel, who DDRd all weekend it seemed. I saw my friend for highschool, Eric and his fiance, go Eric. He cosplayed as Vash the Chef, it was funny.
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They didn't have the PGSM panel, those fucking bastards. But I did come home with some sailor moon stuff. Against my better judgememt I got Mars and Venus Plushies. They had them, I was shocked, they became mine, EVEN if they remind me of Kanzaki. I also got mars and venus keychains, rock on. I got a Misato figure as well, she is awesome.
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I watched the most hilarious movie in the hotel room with Andrew Fenton, Cougill(sp?), Colby and Stacy when she got there. It was called Versus, and we just mocked the hell out of it. It was a japanese zombie movie and my god was it bloody but funny. Womens rights!! Lets all go role down a hill now.
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Sunday was the Orc meeting. It was a blast. Played more guitar hero!! Saw stacy again. We nts nts ntsd again. I love these people.